You can't special order awesome
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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