So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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