she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
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Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Boobs speak an international language.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
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Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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