if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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