Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
