hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
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