I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
