When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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