NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
