I wanna passion pit in your ass
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
