walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
