fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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