True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
