how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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