ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
