I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
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He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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