There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
