i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
