Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
