If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
no. you can't hotbox the world.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm having to shit out rocks
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
