I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
