The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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