it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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