i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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