Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
