"it" just moved
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
