Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Randomize
