I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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