Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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