So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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