thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
