The maid of honor just puked.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
