How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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