dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
