I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
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I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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