I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
