I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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