why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
