How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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