I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
What a dumb baby whore.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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