btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
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