You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Your penis caused this!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
