I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
