It's like God shit irony all over that family
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
