i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
