you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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