New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
