I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
