We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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