I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
