Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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