Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
