dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
pop tarts are not kleenex
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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