somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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