you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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