I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
