dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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