just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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