Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
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..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
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As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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