why didn't you poke me back
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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