Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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