So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
