Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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