i would punch a child for taco bell
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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