I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
