Where is the hickey?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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