At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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