you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
