drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
