So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
