i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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