Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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