Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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