i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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